Friday, July 25, 2014

Infertility Hope and Inspiration: Alex and James' Journey with Low AMH (and she got to meet Sir Robert Winston!)

"Hi I'm Alex and my husband is James. We have been together since I was 17 and James was 19. We have no idea when we met as we were friends throughout our teenage years and had been close since I was around 14. I love our relationship and consider myself the luckiest girl in the world to have snared such a wonderful man to treasure every day. We became official in 1999 and finally tied the knot in 2007. It was that year we decided to start trying for a family.  

A few years passed and although no babies had come along we were progressing well professionally and socially. Life was vibrant so we did not feel the gap so much. Then in 2010 we decided to up the effort and I began the ovulation tracking nightmare that I am sure most women who are TTC are familiar with. We read endless websites, tried every old wives tale, tip and trio without success. Everyone told me I had to relax, that it would happen eventually and that I was to be confident and wait for the baby to arrive. I knew deep down that things weren't right and that we needed to see the doctor.  

I finally managed to get to the doctor early 2012 and we had all of the preliminary testing done. James was identified as having a lowish sperm count but nothing that would stop natural pregnancy and I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid that could be contributing to the infertility and I would need to start thyroxine. Everything else was normal.

The doctors were adamant that thyroxine takes months and months to work and that I would need to wait 6
months to have a test done to see if my thyroid levels had improved. We continued to try and I even booked a trip to Disney World to try and tempt fate and fall pregnant. Still no baby arrived and at Christmas they referred us for IVF.

I had the good fortune to meet Sir Robert Winston in this period of time and I asked him for some advice and he said just to continue loosing weight as this impacted things a great deal, he told me to ignore all other diets and regimes as there was no scientific evidence to back these things up but my weight would impact how well the drugs worked. I had a BMI of 29 so not drastically overweight but still not ideal, I then went on a diet and tried to lose what I could before my first cycle. 

I really struggled with losing the weight and despite adhering strictly to a healthy low cal diet I just couldn't drop any weight, I went back to the GP to ask about my thyroid as it could be holding me back still, she assured me it was all fine and that my TSH was 7.8 which was fine.  

We chose our IVF clinic and went to see our consultant for the first time in April, it was at this meeting that we took our hardest blow, although at this point I was only 31 years old I was told that I had a very low AMH and that it would be unlikely that I would produce many eggs. I was distraught and was convinced that by this point I would never have a baby, I started to really look into adoption and try and reassure myself that we could be a family despite the bleak future that lay ahead.  

I scoured the internet for success stories of women with low AMH levels and although reassuring I was just convinced that it would not happen for me. So we prepared for a short flare cycle of IVF (menopur and cetrotide) most likely ICSI because of the limited eggs I was able to produce. I was terrified of the injections and worried that I would be emotionally unstable. 

Work were brilliant. I am a teacher and my head teacher was fantastic - he agreed a full 3 weeks off work and told me that sometimes things were more important that work. I know I am lucky to work in such an understanding place. I overcame the injections and started this first cycle.  I even started to enjoy the injections, I know it sounds weird but it was the start of the journey and that was important to me.  

When I went back to the clinic for my first follicle scan I was so excited and unfortunately I had only managed to stimulate 2 eggs, I was devastated. They told me it would be best to stop this cycle and start again with a much higher dose of menopur. They even said I should pay for this cycle so far in order to preserve the NHS funding for an entire run.  

I really lost it after this appointment. I'm not sure if it was the drugs or just me but I cried for a week. I found it very hard to drag myself out of my funk but I got there in the end. I went back to work and saw the clinic counsellor to help me process the disappointment. I read a lot, and went for a lot of acupuncture to prepare myself and relax properly.  

I saw my consultant to debrief over the failed cycle and I mentioned my struggle to lose more weight and my 7.8 TSH he told me that he would not be willing to start the next cycle unless my TSH was under 2! He said that 7.8 was too high and would not lend itself to conception. I felt very betrayed by my GP and straight away fought for more thyroxine, my consultant told me to up my meds myself and he would write to my GP and insist my thyroxine was raised. The day before my next cycle I tested at 0.2 and felt a lot more confident that my thyroid was in a better place and I had managed to lose a bit of weight.  

I started the next cycle in July (summer holidays, very convenient) and so I never ended up taking any time off
work! My clinic insists on you drinking a litre of milk a day because of the growth hormones, I struggled with this as I would rather do more injections than drink milk but I managed with milk shakes, yogurt, ice cream and de caff lattes - which they said was fine.

I carried on with acupuncture throughout the cycle, I did a lot of visualisation and breathing exercises. I also drank pineapple juice and ate brazil nuts for good measure! This time I was producing a few more eggs it was looking like I might get 5, which for me would have been a huge success! On the day of the egg collection I got 6 eggs and could have cracked champagne, if I had been drinking, in celebration! I was a complete baby about the cannula for the general anaesthetic which was the most painful thing in the whole cycle and was still not that bad. I cried the whole time before I went to theatre because I was so full of hormones and worry. I never knew I would be a crier!  

We went home praying that we would fertilise well and that they would be fighters. They called later that night to tell us 5 had fertilised and were looking good!

After 3 days 4 were still in play but a leader had not yet emerged ( I was told under no circumstances would they allow 2 embryos to go back as I was high risk for twins due to my age.)  

On day 5 we woke up and we knew if they didn't call we had to go to the clinic for the transfer, I phoned anyway as without confirmation there was anything to transfer I was a bag of nerves. They told me I had one excellent 5b embryo that they thought looked great.  

We had the transfer which was over in a flash, seeing the blast on the screen was amazing. Then I slowly went mad for 11 days waiting.

The only symptom I had was some very sharp cramps. I tested a day early as I could not stand the tension anymore. I carried on having acupuncture throughout again however keeping zen was getting harder as the date of the test was getting closer.  

Well, I tested and it was positive!

I was still a bag of nerves for the first 12 weeks and we paid for a few private scans to keep me from complete madness. My pregnancy was smooth and I loved every second.  

Baby William was born at 40+3. It was a difficult forceps birth but I would do it all again tomorrow.  

William is 9 weeks old and we are trying again for number 2 hoping it will come without IVF this time as my thyroid is correct. If not we will save for more IVF as I would love another one."

Alex and James thank you so much for sharing your journey.

Thank you for reading

If you would like to share your story as part of this series please email me at chelenic@live.co.uk

Love Chele

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Infertility Hope and Inspiration: Mrs W's Story of Poor Ovarian Reserve, Tragic Loss and a Miracle....

Beautiful W holding his daddy's hand at a few days old
"We found out very quickly after trying for just a few months that we would need to have IVF, to say we were gutted is an understatement!! I suffer with what is called a poor ovarian reserve, which basically means I have a very low amount of eggs left.

We decided to start ASAP, so booked our cycle straight away. We were amazed and delighted that on our first go we were pregnant! I had some early complications but by 12 weeks everything had settled and we were starting to feel a little more confident. Sadly I just got to reach 20 weeks when our baby boy was born, our hearts literally broke in 2. I can't begin to explain the sadness that we felt and honestly will feel forever. He was perfect...

Although part of me really didn't want to we decided that we would try IVF again, it was tougher going emotionally then the first cycle, I'm not sure if that has any connection to our result, which was negative. Those 2 week waits were the hardest!!

So, now we thought maybe third time lucky! Let's give it another go. We started our next cycle in the November.

We found out the week before Christmas that we were pregnant. We were so happy! I went to our clinic for the regular checks and was told yes indeed all was ok, they wanted me to go back for further tests just to check my hormone levels a few days later, to cut a long story short they called me the day before Christmas Eve to say that my pregnancy was not progressing as it should and that I would have a miscarriage within 12 weeks. That Christmas is a total blur. I ended up waiting for 8 weeks to miscarry. It was emotionally exhausting.

By this point I was desperate, so we booked our 4th IVF cycle, we wanted to wait a few months so decided we would get away from our life and take a much needed holiday. We had an amazing long weekend in New York, we really relaxed and enjoyed ourselves, I actually got drunk for the first time in 2 years (as I'd given up drinking for the IVF!) and when we got back home, I was anxiously waiting for my period to come so we could get cracking with our 4th IVF cycle, and, it never came!!!

32 weeks later our beautiful baby boy was born, he arrived 8 weeks early and was so
Gorgeous W at 8.5 months
tiny, but 8 and a half months later he's a bouncing, healthy, happy little boy....

Never ever give up on something you can't go a day, a minute or even a second without thinking about.... "

Thank you honey for sharing your story.

Love Chele
xx

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Infertility Hope and Inspiration : Mrs B's Story of Loss, IVF, PGD

DH and me met when I was 17, he was 18. Who knew those two naive kids would face so much pain.

"I fell pregnant at 24, we were so happy. At 18wks, we found out the baby had cystic fibrosis, during a scan the scanographer also mentioned the babies bones were all deformed. We were devestated. At 20wks we lost our little boy. We named him Callum, to us he was perfect.
The hospital sent his and our DNA to a clinic in France & it was discovered he also had hypophosphastasia, the perinatel kind, which our baby, had he reached full term would never have survived the birth, if he did he wouldn't last much longer. Both DH and I were carriers.
So, during this pregnancy we discovered we were carriers of two genetic disorders and our chance of having a healthy baby naturally were slim.

The following year I fell pregnant again, at 11wks we had the CVS test and discovered our little girl was affected by both conditions again. Devestated. We chose to end the pregnancy, I simply could not face having to give birth again to a baby that would not survive, the first time nearly broke me. A "friend" was very vocal telling me she was disgusted at our decision, this broke my heart, my little girl would die either being born or within hours after, why couldn't she understand this?

After a year, I spoke to my doctor, advised I wanted to try this PGD the hospital consultant had spoke about. The wheels where set in motion.
When I was 28 we were contacted by Care Fertility, they advised they could do PGD but had never tested for hypophosphastasia, but their other clinic in Chicago would create a test using our DNA for us. Wow. I was thrilled, kept thinking within a year we will have out baby. How wrong was I.
It took Genysis (Chicago) a year to develop a test for both our conditions, then the tests had to go to court for the governing bodies to agree for us to have this performed on embryos. This took a further 10 months.
In January 2010 we were given the green light. We started the IVF medication in February, had EC and our embryos were tested. Unfortunately as this was the first time Care had tested for hypophosphastasia it took them longer and we missed the chance for a fresh transfer. From this cycle we had 6 healthy embryos!
In April we had FET, 1 embryo defrosted and transferred. Unfortunately it was a BFN, we also lost DHs mum. Tough times.
September - 2 defrosted, 1 survived and transferred. BFN
November - 3 defrosted, 1 survived and transferred. BFN
I can't explain how I felt, I just kept thinking I can get pregnant naturally but not through this????? Didn't make sense to me.
Moving on to cycle 2, in 2011 we gave it another go, and in march we found that we only had 1 healthy embryo from this cycle, but we were in time for a fresh cycle. 2 weeks later after the transfer I tested, BFP! Within an hour I was bleeding, not heavy and not enough to cause the clinic concern but I knew, I just knew it was all over. My HCG levels were tested by my EPU and were rising but not doubling. Care gave me a scan at 7 weeks, it was confirmed it was all over and my HCG levels were decreasing. Waiting to miscarry and pass my baby, as to me it WAS a baby was awful. But I survived, like I always do.
We were SO lucky our NHS PCT agreed to fund a third cycle, so after a holiday relaxing in Jamaica I was ready to start again.
Started the drugs at the end of September, we had 3 healthy embryos. I had the "strongest" embryo transferred, BFN AGAIN!
FFS I was ready to throw it all in, I can't to this again I kept saying, I'm just not strong enough.
After Xmas, I kept thinking of those 2 embryos and I decided I had to give them a chance.
I remember these dates so clearly, 16th February 2012 I had 1 thawed and transferred, 29th February I tested and it was BFP. I can't say I was ecstatic, I was happy dont get me wrong but I was also petrified. So so scared it would happen again.
My GP was amazing, he knew my history and signed me off work until I was 9wks pregnant!
I had 2 scans at Care, one at 6wks and another at 8wks. They were amazing too, agreeing to scan me earlier than normal and again 2wks later. They were all so happy for us, I really do believe they felt our pains and our joy during our journey. Anyway, back to my pregnancy, I couldn't relax, I ended up at our EPU twice just for reassurance scans! One at 9wks and another at 11wks. We had to have the CVS test too, even with the PGD as the percentage of misdiagnosis was 5%. That was came back clear and we found out it was a little boy. Still couldn't relax, had another scan at 14wks and again at 15!
At our 20wk scan we were told baby was perfect but my placenta was covering the cervix - complete placenta previa, they told me it would move by 30wks and to come for another scan. No biggie I thought, we can do this.
30wks, saw a young consultant, he was very reassuring, saying still covering but will definately move no need to worry. Fair enough. I had to go back at 35wks for another scan to check the placenta, this time the lady consultant was furious, I apparently should have been under hospital supervision since 20wks due to the placenta, it still hadn't moved, she wanted me to go straight to the maternity unit and stay there until the baby arrived. I said no chance I was TOO busy lol! I agreed to go into hospital at 36wks on the promise if there was any bleeding I would go in straight away. Baby was booked in for a csection at 38wks. I was told I could not under any circumstances have a natural birth, too risky. If labour started or any bleeding apparently only one of us would likely survive. Wow, it then sunk in exactly how dangerous this was.
Those 2wks in hospital were the longest ever, watching women come in and leave with their baby within 1 or two days, I was DESPERATE to meet my little man.
The day before my csection, the doctors came, measured me for surgery socks, ordered my blood incase a transfusion was required (I'm rhesus negative) and I signed consent forms.
The next morning I was so excited, was up and ready to go by 5 haha, DH arrived at 7 and we were taken to the labour ward at 9.
At 10:01 my little prince was delivered, a 7lb 9oz bundle of gorgeousness! I fell completely head over heels in love.
There were complications with me following the surgery but I won't go into that.
Sorry it's so long winded, I didn't want to miss out anything.
I'm so in love with this little man, he's my entire world, the love of my life and I worship him.
I don't know if I will use the other embryo, I feel so blessed and fortunate to have Finlay I think I should quit whilst I'm ahead. But that's something me and DH really need to discuss.

But miracles really do happen, all those obstacles we crossed, all the heartache and tears, they were totally worth it.
Infertility covers a wide spectrum and all I have to say is :
You did NOT win, you did NOT beat me.
I am strong and I'm a survivor and I am the proud mummy of the most precious little boy. "


EDIT:
If you would like to chat with Mrs B you can find her on Twitter @FinlayBsMummy

thank you so much for sharing honey

Love Chele
xx

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Introduction to "Infertility: Stories of Hope and Inspiration"

When I started recording video diaries of our IVF journey on YouTube I had no idea if one person or 10 people would even bother to watch them. Obviously at that time we have no idea where that journey would take us and what hurdles we would meet along the way. I just figured, whatever way our story went, if sharing it could help even one person then it had to be shared.

I am so incredibly shocked at the amount of people that have watched my videos of our journey over the last few years through 3 IVF ICSI cycles, our missed/silent miscarriage   ,our twin pregnancy, and these days videos with Gracie and Alfie in them and the zillion pictures I put on Instagram each day! (Oh and the random make up/haul vids and tags just for a bit if fun) but I am incredibly humbled and grateful at the friends I have made along the way and the amazing, strong people who have shared their stories with me, opened their hearts to me in messages, acted as cheerleaders to us, asked questions and advice, and offered perspective and encouragement even through their own battles.


Our journey led us to be incredibly blessed with these amazing little people Gracie and Alfie who rock our world every single day. Not a day goes by even now at almost 13 months where we are not pinching ourselves, astonished that they are really here, our beautiful babies.  Though that path I realise wasn't just a path to our wonderful children but a path to all of the incredible people that would touch our lives along the way. Our journey lead is to Gracie and Alfie but it also lead us to lifelong friends to cherish, stories to capture our hearts and to humble us every day. 


I am so grateful to each and every person who has contacted me in one way of another with words of encouragement, stories of hope, and congratulations. To those who not only took the time to watch the videos, but took further time to offer kind words of any way that our story, our journey may have offered them any hope, inspiration or encouragement. That was always the intention so to hear it had reached someone's heart and lifted them or given them hope means the world to me.

Because of this and as a tribute to the incredible people I have "met" I have decided to start a series here on my blog " Infertility: Stories of Hope and Inspiration".

I have reached out to all the people in my networks who I consider my friends and asked them if they would like to share their stories in this series. I am truly overwhelmed at the response I have had so far and so have decided this will be a weekly series whereby I will upload one story each week. 


It is just incredible the amount of people who have said "I will share my story, even if it can help one person........" Exactly where my YouTube diary started a whole world ago. 

I am already crying my eyes out reading the first 3 stories I have been sent. I will be stocking up on tissues.

If you would like to include your story in this series please email me atchelenic@live.co.uk

To all of you, sincerely, thank you.

Love Chele